Easyopen
by InuZelda
Summary: Scout has found his worst enemy: the easy open tetra brik! PD: Now also in spanish!


**Author note: **this is not just the first piece of fanfiction that I write for this fandom, but it is also the first one that I write on english. So please, review me about any grammar or spelling error because this is currently the only way that I can practise english. And sorry for the lack of accents distinctions in the characters, it was hard enough for me to write this on a foreign lenguage. Thank you and enjoy this silly and strange short... somehow based on real facts

* * *

Easy-open it said.

The RED Scout glared at the milk's tetra brik. He always have preferred the milk on bottle, but then the guys decided that buy tetra brik was less expensive, so they decided to order them for the follow week supply and the use the saved money to order other thing since they have a monetary limit on the supply orders to the HQ. At first it seemed a good idea, but now the Scout was sure that it had been the worst idea ever.

He has come early into the kitchen that morning to prepare his breakfast. It was soldier's turn to prepare the breakfast for the team and it was always an awful one. So he only had three options: eat it and has stomach ache until the first respawn, skip the breakfast and being hungry until lunch time or awoke before the rest of the team and make his own breakfast. He had choose the third option and now he was regretting it. And the fault was of that damn carton package called tetra brik.

Easy-open it said.

"Easy open my ass!" he exclaimed infuriated.

"Don't said that aloud, or the enemy Spy will take that literally" his team Spy said from kitchen's door on a mocking tone.

" I have enough problems to think on that faggot of a French frog!"Scout replied frustrated."He is dime-a-dozen back-stabbing scum-bag, just like you!... No offence"

Spy chuckled and added sarcastically:

"Oh yes, you have a big problem with a tetra brick"

"You... have been here all time?" Scout asked embarrassed.

"Oui, since the beginning of your little struggle against an inanimate object" the Spy laughed amused.

Until that moment, the scout had been struck in the kitchen about thirty minutes. He had spent every second of that thirty minutes trying to open the milk tetra brik, in which plastic stopper could be read: "easy-open".

First, the Scout had tried to retire the stopper casually, but it was heavily closed. Then he decided to apply more force on the thing, but it didn't move. After being abut five minutes trying to open the thing moving the stopper from right to left and vice-verse, the Bostonian tried to open it with his teeth, but after some attempts and incomprehensible curses, he retired his mouth from the tetra brick at glared at it a bit mad. Then he jumped on the table where he had put the tetra brick, grabbed it with his foots and the he applied even more force than before on the stopper, but it didn't move at all again. no just that: Scout fall of the table a few seconds later. Then, completely angered, stood up and started to shout ugly things like "son of a bitch" or "dickhead" to see if it started to cry and then he would open itself, but then he had realized that he was talking to an inanimate object.

"Man, I'm starting to act like Soldier" he sighed facepalming before return to his battle.

Scout then had picked a knife and tired to cut the stopper, but he couldn't cut the plastic.

"What kind of material was used to make this damn stopper? Australium?" he said as he tried to pierce the plastic. When he realized that that didn't work, he thrown the knife out the window and then he heard a moan of pain from Soldier, who probably was shouting to his collection of heads.

After that, he has shout "easy-open my ass" and then the spy had come.

"This day is just begging and I can say that is the worst day ever" Scout sighed tired.

"Really?" asked his companion.

"No, it's the second" he realized."There is that day with the BLU Soldier clones when medic implanted us that übercharge thing. I wasn't just shot by rockets and ended landing on medic's infirmary window, but I also ended with Archimedes inside of my body when he put the new heart in my body after a painful surgery" spy cringed at the memory: it was also painful for him, but he didn't end with a dove inside of his body.

"Anyway" the French said "Do you want my help in this issue?".

Normally Scout wouldn't let anybody to help him due his pride and manliness, but he was so desperate that he allowed the Spy to tried to open it for him.

After a few attempts, the espionage expert wasn't able to do it neither.

"Well, this was a disappointment" he stated surprised. That stopper was too resistant to even be real.

"Now what, genius?" scout asked.

"Maybe we need a bit of muscle here..." the spy opined.

"I'll call Heavy" the Bostonian replied.

In that moment the Russian entered on the kitchen.

"Hey, big guy, we were talking about you" scout said happily. "We need your help" Scout added pointing at the tetra brick.

"Little Scout wants Heavy to open milk?" the man asked."It's easy to me"

The big man grabbed the milk and tried to open it.

"Oh no! Stopper is not moving!" he exclaimed frustrated after some failed attempts. "Tiny tetra brick is bad!"

"Oh crap, Heavy can't open it too" scout complained. "Now what?"

"What are you doing, maggots?" Soldier asked as he entered in the kitchen with the Demoman.

"Seriously lad, you don't feel any pain with that knife on the shoulder?" the Scottish Cyclops asked as he pointed to the knife that Soldier had stabbed in the shoulder . "Yo should see doc"

"Pain is weakness leaving the body" replied the American angry. "And I don't need the help of a Nazi"

"Is soldier having a bad day too?" asked Spy. After all the time on the war against the BLUs, Soldier was used to the German doctor, but every time that he has a bad day he was angry with Medic for no reason, don't even calling for his help on battles and preferring running with the equalizer. The doctor just ignored him on those days.

"It seems so" Demoman answered sighing.

"What happened?" asked Scout.

"One of that damn Nazi doves had been pecking the eyeballs of my heads" Soldier replied.

"Or a wild bird" Scout mumbled. "anyway, we're having problems with the milk, can you help?" he asked at the two.

What is wrong with the milk?" Demoman asked looking at the tetra brick.

"We can't open it!" Scout, Spy and Heavy said at once.

"Jinx, you own me one soda!" the Bostonian exclaimed to Spy and Heavy, who just looked each other.

"Wait a minute, if the communist can't open it and he is the strongest here, then how will we open it?"

Demoman just came up whit his sticky bomb launcher and put some sticky bombs around the tetra brik. Before that any of his teammates could stop him, he detonated the bombs.

And the tetra brik was still there, unharmed..

"How could this happen?" Heavy wondered shocked.

"I need a bloody drink" the Scottish said shaking his head and the he went to search his Scrumpy, which was on a nearly larder.

"I must be dreaming" Spy stated.

"Freaking unbelievable" Scout claimed.

The five RED were staring at the indestructible package when Pyro and Engineer came running at the kitchen, main weapons in hand as they though that the BLUS had attacked their teammates

What was that explosion?" asked the Texan worried. "Is everybody alright?"

"Yeah... just a bit shocked" replied Scout.

"Why aph hud huphed?" Pyro asked.

"He have tried everything to open that milk tetra brick, but the damn thing cannot be open" Scout replied.

"I swear that it is a weapon created by those soviets to destroy our precious country!" exclaimed Soldier. Everybody else just rolled their eyes.

Pyro approached to the tetra brik, flame-thrower in hand, and set the thing on fire, the pyromaniac leaping back after realizing that the packaged didn't burn.

"What kind of witchcraft is this?" Pyro exclaimed mentally.

"Now I've seen everything" Engineer said amazed. "Can I examinate the packaged?"

"Of course, but I doubt that you find something" Scout replied as he gave him the tetra brik. The Texan read it quickly and giggled.

"What is so funny? Scout asked annoyed.

"I've found the problem: this kind of indestructible tetra brik was created for Saxton Hale. I think that he requested this thing being created because he always break the common tetra briks when he tries to open one. Ah am sure that this one was sent to us by error ."

"So... is it not a soviet weapon?" Soldier asked, glaring at the tetra brick with scepticism.

"Nope, is isn't" replied the Texan.

In that moment Sniper and Medic entered in the kitchen, the first one had been cleaning his rifle on his van and the second had been experimenting with the BLU' Spy's head that was in his fridge.

"Can we know why the breakfast is not made yet?" Medic asked.

"We had troubles with a created for Saxton Hale tetra brik" Scout replied.

"What?" the recently arrived mercenaries asked at the same time.

"You have missed all the fun" Demoman answered.

"It wasn't funny!" exclaimed the Scout.

"Mission begins in ten minutes" the announcer's voice claimed.

The team members looked each other. The mission would began soon and they hadn't eaten! And it was a payload one, with makes it harder to them.

"This is bad" Heavy said worried."Fighting with empty stomach is not good for team"

"Damn tetra brik! It is it's fault!" Scout shouted as he grabbed the tetra brik and threw it out the window with such forced that it ended falling on the BLU Team bomb cart, making it explode.

The REDs come out from their base to see that half of the BLU base had been destroyed by the bomb. Sniper take out his rifle and zoomed to the explocion epicentre: the tetra brik was still intact.

"The match have cancelled" the announcer's voice said, and it was full with cold angriness when she added "the reparations on BLU base will be payed with your next salary"

None of the REDs said nothing. In that moment they only can have one though on their heads:

They never wanted to see a tetra brik again.


End file.
